The Art of Receiving Love
Embracing the Gifts Your Partner Gives
Love is a beautiful exchange, but sometimes, receiving love can feel harder than giving it. Maybe your partner shows love differently than you do, or perhaps their gestures don’t match the ways you instinctively offer love. In these moments, it’s easy to miss the love being offered—or even to reject it outright—because it doesn’t look or feel the way you expect. But what if receiving love, in all its forms, is a gift in itself?
According to Harville Hendrix, a renowned relationship expert, receiving love is just as important as giving it—and it can be deeply healing. Let’s explore why receiving love matters, how it helps heal old wounds, and how to stay open to love, especially during the holiday season.
Why Receiving Love Is an Act of Healing
Harville Hendrix’s research emphasizes that love is transformative—not just when we give it, but when we receive it. He explains that our ability to receive love from our partner is connected to the wounds we carry from our earliest relationships, particularly those with our caregivers. When we let ourselves truly receive love, we begin to heal those wounds.
Here’s how receiving love can be healing:
Affirmation of Worthiness: Receiving love reinforces the belief that we are worthy of care, affection, and attention.
Expanding Emotional Capacity: It teaches us to hold space for emotions like vulnerability, joy, and connection—emotions we may have avoided in the past.
Deepening Connection: Accepting love fosters trust and intimacy, showing your partner that their efforts matter, even if their gestures differ from your own love language.
Why Receiving Love Can Be Challenging
Even in the closest relationships, receiving love can feel uncomfortable. Why? Because it requires vulnerability. Letting love in means opening your heart and risking disappointment, rejection, or unfamiliarity. Sometimes, we unconsciously protect ourselves by rejecting or dismissing love when it doesn’t look the way we expect it to.
Here are some common ways we unintentionally resist love:
Critiquing the Gesture: “That’s not what I wanted” or “Why did they do it that way?”
Minimizing It: “It’s no big deal” or “They didn’t have to do that.”
Blocking Vulnerability: Brushing off affection or changing the subject when things get emotionally close.
But love doesn’t always come wrapped the way we want. Often, it’s about learning to see the intention behind the gesture, even if the expression isn’t perfect.
The Art of Receiving Love
Learning to receive love is about staying open, noticing the gestures your partner offers, and letting yourself feel the warmth of their care—even if it’s expressed differently than you would give it. Here’s how to practice the art of receiving love:
1. Recognize the Intention Behind the Gesture
When your partner expresses love, focus on their intention rather than the execution. Maybe they bought you a gift you wouldn’t have chosen, or maybe their way of helping (like fixing something instead of sitting and listening) isn’t how you’d express love. The key is to notice their effort and see the love behind it.
Practice: The next time your partner does something for you, pause and acknowledge their intention. Say to yourself, They’re showing me love in their way.
2. Practice Gratitude
Even if your partner’s gestures don’t perfectly align with your love language, expressing gratitude helps you focus on the positive effort they’re making. Gratitude also deepens your connection by reinforcing the cycle of giving and receiving love.
Practice: Instead of critiquing or dismissing their gesture, say, “Thank you for thinking of me” or “I really appreciate this—it means a lot.”
3. Open Your Heart to Vulnerability
Receiving love requires letting go of control and being open to connection. This can feel risky, but it’s where healing and intimacy happen. Allow yourself to feel the care and affection your partner is offering, even if it feels unfamiliar.
Practice: When your partner shows love, take a deep breath and remind yourself, It’s safe to receive this love.
4. Ask Yourself, “How Does This Gesture Make Me Feel?”
Sometimes we get caught up in the “how” of love—how it’s expressed or delivered—and forget to focus on the impact. Instead of analyzing the gesture, tune into how it makes you feel emotionally. Does it bring warmth? A sense of security? Joy?
Practice: Reflect on the feelings their love evokes, rather than the form it takes.
5. Be Mindful of Your Reactions
When we’re busy or stressed, it’s easy to brush off small gestures of love. During the holiday season especially, take time to notice and acknowledge the ways your partner is showing up for you.
Practice: If you catch yourself brushing off their love, pause and say, “I see what you’re doing, and I really appreciate it.”
How to Keep Your Heart Open During the Holidays
The holiday season is full of opportunities to practice receiving love, but it can also be a time when stress or busyness makes it harder to stay open. Here are a few mindful practices to help you keep your heart open:
Start Each Day with Gratitude: Reflect on one thing you appreciate about your partner. This primes your brain to notice their loving gestures throughout the day.
Create Small Moments of Connection: Amid the hustle, pause to share a hug, a smile, or a kind word. These moments help you stay grounded in love.
Give Your Partner the Benefit of the Doubt: If their gestures don’t land perfectly, remind yourself that their intention was to connect and show care.
Let Love In
The art of receiving love is about more than just saying “thank you”—it’s about creating space for your partner’s love to reach you, even when it doesn’t look the way you expect. It’s about trusting that their gestures, however imperfect, come from a place of care and connection.
This holiday season, practice opening your heart to the love your partner gives you. Notice their efforts, let yourself feel the warmth of their care, and allow their love to heal and strengthen your relationship. Because in the end, love is not just something we give—it’s something we courageously choose to receive.