The Dirty Truth About Relationships (That Nobody Puts on Instagram)
Let’s talk trash. Literally. And also, metaphorically.
There’s this weird thing that happens when we imagine what love “should” look like. It usually involves perfect lighting, passionate kissing in the rain, and someone delivering a dramatic speech on your doorstep with music swelling in the background.
But real love? Real love is a little less movie montage and a little more “Hey, I picked up the dog poop so you wouldn’t step in it in the dark.” Romantic? Not in the traditional sense. But deeply loving? Absolutely.
And listen, I’m not just saying this as someone who likes relationships—I’m a couples therapist. I see the behind-the-scenes of love every day, and I’m here to tell you:
Relationships are not supposed to be flawless. They’re supposed to be real.
Forget the Fairytales (Unless You Want to Live in a Pumpkin)
Let’s just go ahead and retire the fantasy that love means constant bliss and zero arguments. That once you find “your person,” it’ll all be effortless and intuitive. You’ll just gaze at each other forever in a cloud of emotional maturity and matching slippers.
Nah. That’s not how it works.
People argue. People miscommunicate. People get annoyed about dishwasher placement and leave socks everywhere and accidentally hurt each other. And that doesn’t mean something’s broken.
It means you’re both human.
But here’s where it gets tricky.
When we’re vulnerable—when we tell the truth about what we need, what hurts, what scares us—it can feel terrifying. Growth in relationships isn’t all cozy conversations and forehead kisses. Sometimes it’s crying in the kitchen because your partner left the pan in the sink again and suddenly that pan means you feel unseen, unsupported, and one dish away from losing it.
That doesn’t mean something’s wrong.
It means something matters.
Romance Doesn’t Always Look Like a Rom-Com
Let’s clear up a myth: if you’re waiting for the perfect romantic moment to make you feel loved and connected, you might be waiting a while. Because in real life, romance often looks like:
Taking out the trash before being asked.
Making them coffee without asking how they take it (because you already know).
Picking up their favorite snacks at the store, even though you think they’re weird.
Yes, the occasional grand gesture is fun. But the day-to-day stuff? That’s what keeps love alive. That’s the good stuff. The stuff that actually builds a life together.
Mindfulness for Real People (No Zen Garden Required)
Let’s talk about how to actually see your partner again. Not through a new lens—just through the one you’ve probably smudged with stress and routine.
Mindfulness in a relationship looks like:
Noticing when they pause mid-argument and try to meet you halfway.
Appreciating the way they rub your back while you’re falling asleep.
Saying, “I saw what you did today. That mattered.”
You don’t have to be a meditation master. You just have to slow down enough to notice—and then speak up. That’s it. Tell them when you see the good. Tell them when it lands.
It’s free. It’s easy. And it’s honestly kind of magic.
Please, For the Love of Love, Use Your Words
Communication isn’t just for conflict. It’s also for connection. A few little phrases can do a lot of heavy lifting:
“Thanks for handling that—it didn’t go unnoticed.”
“Is there something you need from me this week?”
“I really like the way you laugh when you’re tired.”
“Still choosing you, even after the messy parts.”
It’s not about being poetic. It’s about being real. Being present. Showing your partner they’re not invisible in your shared life.
Real Love Is Built in the Chaos
You are not each other’s saviors. You’re not supposed to fix each other or rescue each other from your pasts. You’re here to walk with each other—through the work days, the family drama, the to-do lists, the mismatched socks and the pan in the sink.
Love isn’t made in the big movie moments. It’s made in the small, everyday choices to stay connected, stay kind, and stay curious.
It’s noticing. It’s appreciating. It’s laughing in the middle of the mess and saying, “Yep. This is us. And I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.”
So pick up the dog poop. Take out the trash. Fold the laundry.
And for the love of all things holy—say thank you when your partner does those things too.
That’s romance. That’s presence. That’s what lasts.